In a new article, Chief Member Nellie Borrero, Accenture's Senior Strategic Advisor for Global Inclusion and Diversity, shares why establishing personal boundaries is such a crucial practice for women leaders.

“What is clear to me is that if you don’t value or respect your own boundaries, no one else will,” she says. “Yet, boundaries are critically important for our personal and professional journey.”

Read on for her advice on protecting your worth and wellbeing as an executive, even when times get tough.

How many conversations have you had about establishing personal boundaries? If you’re like me, it’s way too many. But that is an indicator of how important this topic is — and how elusive establishing boundaries can be for many of us.

Recently, I walked away from three separate conversations feeling anxious, restless, and, in one case, angry. While the conversations covered different topics, all three featured one commonality: a lack of boundaries. And these weren’t the type of conversations you typically associate with ‘boundaries,’ such as work-life balance/integration and the push-pull of family and cultural expectations. These were different.

We live in a time where cultural norms are rapidly shifting. That’s why we must establish our own boundaries and vigorously defend them. This is especially important for executive leaders, in part because we set the example for what’s acceptable in the workplace. But we also must do it for ourselves. Women in the C-Suite are more likely than men to feel burned out, and it’s often because our boundaries have been ignored, belittled or overstepped.

This is the definition of personal boundaries that has resonated the most with me:

Personal boundaries, just like the Trespassing sign, define where you end, and others begin. They are determined by the amount of physical and emotional space you allow between yourself and others. Personal boundaries help you decide what type of communication, behavior, and interactions are acceptable.

With this definition in mind, these are three ways I recommend women leaders think about and enforce boundaries:

Hold Others Accountable

For some, the allegiance to friendships, business partners, or family can lead them to ignore or even absolve racist, sexist, or otherwise bigoted behavior patterns in their circle. To be clear, I am not talking about personal preferences, political disagreements, or even just rudeness. This is the type of behavior that would violate almost any company’s code of conduct. If you find yourself frustrated by witnessing how someone you support disregards or overlooks these behaviors in their circle, ask yourself, ‘Why am I choosing to continue supporting this individual and not holding them accountable? Passive offenders, through association, are equally damaging to creating an inclusive culture.

Recommended Boundaries:

  • Don’t give a pass to people who pretend to be oblivious to others who do not meet your standards of inclusive human behavior.
  • Limit attaching your brand to theirs. If you are noticing their tendency to absolve bad actors, chances are others are noticing it as well.
  • Hold yourself accountable for not supporting those who ignore offensive behaviors; in other words, stay true to your inclusive leadership brand.

Don’t Diminish Your Worth

Accepting and excusing behaviors directed at you that are undoubtedly marginalizing can lead to feeling devalued. Many times, it happens gradually, slowly shutting you down and leaving you questioning if you are accurately assessing the offensive behavior. Ultimately, this could impact your continued career success. Often, we refuse to acknowledge what’s happening, out of a belief that these things happen to others and could not possibly happen to us. Or, we simply don’t have the capacity or fearlessness to work through our intimidation when the behaviors come from a leader or influential people within our sphere.

Recommended Boundaries:

  • Pay attention to the behaviors of those who have influence over your career and the environment they cultivate.
  • Clearly define how you measure your worth versus the power you are giving up to others.
  • Decipher what is constructive feedback versus what is loaded with ill or negative intent.
  • Eagerly protect your belief in yourself and skills and reject intimidation.
  • Assertively claim your earned space and be intentional with your presence.
  • Protect that invisible line. Believe and honor how you feel; be conscious of how others are making you feel.

Step Away from Negative Chatter

Women leaders often make ourselves available to others in the spirit of mentoring, coaching or simply being a sounding board. But sometimes this can enable the behaviors that create an ongoing swirl of negative chatter. Be wary of those who want to continuously discuss a problem, are consistently negative, or blame others despite our advice and coaching. It may be time to pause and shift the conversation.

Recommended Boundaries:

  • Choose to value your time and ask yourself: “Is this how I want to continue spending my time and energy? Am I enjoying being part of these conversations? How toxic is this becoming for me?”
  • Acknowledge when a pause and shift are required. Your time is valuable.
  • Think about how many hours you have potentially wasted in a given month entertaining a non-value-added negative conversation. Then think about all the other positive things you can do with that time instead of being available for non-productive and destructive conversations.

Overall, setting boundaries requires assertiveness, courage and understanding your worth. It is easy to set boundaries when everything seems to be flowing nicely or when your stress levels are low. But boundaries are difficult to set when the demands for your attention and time seem endless and when requests are colliding, leaving you agitated and depleted. It is here, in this moment, where you have no choice but to set boundaries.

Stop believing that your workload and responsibilities leave no room for establishing boundaries. Stop feeding into the narrative that everything is of equal importance and a high priority. It’s not only not sustainable, but irresponsible to your wellbeing. Set your boundaries, and respect them. If you don’t value your own boundaries, no one else will.

For more insights, check out Borrero’s book, Unwavering: Rejecting Bias, Igniting Change, Celebrating Inclusion.