As a wife, mom, actress, director, and author of her latest book, “Thicker Than Water,” Kerry Washington knows that the key to finding balance in her career and professional life is to first understand that she can’t do it all alone.
“I’m not interested in this myth of, ‘I’m a superwoman and I do it all by myself,’” she said at the first-ever ChiefX conference. “That’s complete bullsh*t, right?”
The award-winning actress explains that she is only able to fully show up in all areas of her life because of the strong support system she’s built and the multiple partners she’s brought on board to help. “On the family side, it’s my parents and my husband,” she says. “On the marketing side, it’s my director of social media. On the career side, it’s my manager. And on the activism side, it’s my director of social impact.”
“I have strong partners in every vertical,” Washington added. “That requires leadership because it requires delegation and the sharing of responsibility.”
While delegating tasks can be difficult for some who feel as though they have to do it all and say “yes” to everything, Washington said she’s learning that the other essential element to her success is finding comfort in saying “no” and not feeling guilty about it.
“When Shonda Rhimes wrote her first memoir, ‘The Year of Yes,’ I called her and was like, ‘It’s so good,’” she said. “And she was like, ‘You need to write the year of ‘no.’’ It’s interesting because I have zero personal FOMO (fear of missing out). I never look at a picture of a barbeque on Instagram and think, ‘Oh, I wish I was there.’ But I have a lot of professional FOMO at times.”
For the multi-hyphenate entertainer who has found success both in front of the camera and behind-the-scenes with her production company Simpson Street, Washington said learning how to say “no” to professional opportunities was not an easy process. But becoming a mom has helped her determine which ones are worth her while.
“A lot of times, I will only say yes if I can be home for dinner,” she says. “Or I will only say yes if I will only be gone for one night and no more. My family has really been part of my filter for that. For other people, I’ve easily been able to say no. But now, learning how to say no for myself is great.”
Another tip Washington uses to help say no is one she received from her friend, actor and comedian James Corden.
“He reminds me often that when it’s a yes, it’s clear,” she says, while explaining that this rule of thumb can be used for all professionals, regardless of their career. “When you’re going back and forth, that’s a no. Also, I’ll get asked to do things [months out], and he says imagine it’s tomorrow. Do you want to wake up and do that tomorrow? If I’m like no, then he says don’t say yes because you’re going to be miserable when the time comes.”
