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It's no secret that everyone wants to be liked. But chances are, if you're not a straight, cisgender, white man, you've experienced the doubled-edged sword of likeability. And if you're a leader, focusing too much on this likeability factor can easily cause you to lose the authority needed at work.
In the latest episode of the "The New Rules of Business" podcast, Chief Co-Founders Carolyn Childers and Lindsay Kaplan talk to MSNBC host and author of "The Likeability Trap," Alicia Menendez, about the many different challenges of being liked as a leader, and why the concept of likeability is more fraught for women and non-white people.
"Our notion of leadership, globally, is sort of inherently masculine," Menendez says. "And that means that a woman who shows up being assertive or aggressive will get dinged. And, people will say, 'Yea, maybe she gets it done, but the way she does it in the process, I just don't like it.'" Menendez explains that this bias criticism is played out across many different industries, with us often seeing it first-hand in politics. "It's important for male and female candidates alike to be well-liked. But, part of what we see is that voters are willing to vote for a male candidate, if they don't like him, so long as they believe he's competent. That's not the same for women who run for public office. She has to be both well-liked and she has to prove she's competent."
To address this issue of likeability, Menendez offers a few solutions for any leader who is looking to implement change. In addition to sponsoring and mentoring more women so that they feel comfortable with bringing their authentic self to work, Menendez says leaders need to also be sure that they are creating a safe environment where all individuals are able to fully be themselves without the pressure of feeling like they have to act a certain way in order to be liked.
"Instead of calling upon people to show up as their flaws and authentic selves, I think workplaces need to be thinking, 'Have we done enough to create safety so the people know they can show up as their full selves and be welcomed and embraced,'" Menendez says. "And I think that's more complicated than we act like it is."
Listen to the latest episode of "The New Rules of Business" to learn more about the likeability trap and the impact it can have on leaders at work.
